The first thing you find out when you become a flight attendant is to the expect the unexpected. What should have been a simple 2-day trip, which I able to shorten to a one day became such a headache.

Enroute to my Hotel

I was awarded a two day trip that started with a deadhead to New York on Saturday and working one flight to LAX Sunday morning. When you deadhead they send you as a passenger to a city to position you to work a flight, I waived my deadhead flight and decided to self-deadhead myself to New York as a non-rev on US Airways on Thursday night to be able to see my mom for a few days (see: Armrests & Flashlights). Thank God, I did that!

The weather in New York City was just like a hurricane. Wind, rain, hail; you name it, we had it. Mom and I decided that she was going to drive me from Staten Island (where she lives) to my layover hotel the night before I was to work just to ensure I’d be in place to work my flight. The weather was so bad we were afraid I wouldn’t make it to JFK in time Sunday morning, for my 7am check in, because of closed roads and flooding. Enroute we almost got hit by roof tiles, garbage pails and power lines. This storm was no joke.

One of my other flight attendants, we’ll call her Natasha, also dropped the deadhead flight. She decided to take a later flight from Los Angeles (our base) to New York at 1pm. She didn’t arrive into JFK until 3am, Sunday morning. My Captain lived in Nashville, also dropped his deadhead.. and didn’t get to JFK until 5am, Sunday morning. My 3rd FA lived in New York so he was already in position. But, our number one problem: our First Officer. He took the deadhead. He never made it to JFK. Our deadhead flight was supposed to leave LAX at 7am and arrive in JFK at 3pm. We were then supposed to rest for 14 hours before working a 8am flight to LAX Sunday morning. The deadhead flight got diverted to upstate New York for hours because of the unsafe weather in JFK.

At 6:20am Sunday morning, 10 minutes before I was to head to the airport, I got a phone call from my Captain. This is when the fun starts. He told me we didn’t have a F.O. because he didn’t arrive until 10 minutes ago and was illegal to fly. Scheduling told him to “hang tight” and would contact him with further details later. I put my PJs back on, and laid back down in bed. My friend Danny was also in my layover hotel and he was supposed to work the 9am flight to LAX, which was now delayed until 10:30am for crew rest. He called me at 10am and said he was headed to the airport, they were ready to go. Why scheduling couldn’t give ME his F.O. so the 8am flight could leave before the 10:30am flight is beyond me!

Anyway, thirty minutes prior to that,  I receive a call from my Captain telling me that they found a F.O. but he’s in Boston and has to commute down to JFK and we would get a call from Scheduling when he arrived. I called scheduling to locate my 3rd FA (the one who lives in New York) to tell him we’re not going anywhere anytime soon. He told me he was already at the airport as scheduling never told him to stay home. Sucks to be him.

At 10:20 we get a phone call that the F.O. is 30 minutes outside of JFK and to head to the airport. We pack up, and go.

Just as I step foot outside of the security screening area a man in a suit walks over to me and says “are you the crew for flight 304 to Los Angeles?!” I looked at him and said “Well, I don’t know my flight number but I know I was supposed to leave at 8am this morning.” He then glared at me and said:

Can you people f*****g move faster! We’ve been f*****g waiting for you for ever!

Good Morning! I knew I was in for hell from this moment on. I explained to him that even though 3 of the 5 of us were here, we were still missing a First Officer. He then, because he knows everything, told me that the F.O. was already on the plane and waiting for us to get there. Mind you, this suited man, was sitting in First Class. He wasn’t even an employee of my airline.

So, Natasha stops to get food (I told her we had time, I knew we did), and I head to the gate to check in. I get my paperwork, the loads, and they call down to the crew lounge to have Charlie, my #3 come up to prep for boarding. 20 minutes later I’m on board with the Captain and Natasha but still no Charlie. 10 minutes later a gate agent comes down and tells me “Charlie has been arrested.”

Okay, what?! Charlie has been at the airport for 5 hours already, and NOW he’s mysteriously arrested? Well, the elevator from the crew lounge broke, and he asked an employee how to get from the lounge to our gate. They directed him through a door and up a set of stairs, but neglected to double check that he was issued a JFK airport badge to grant him access to walk through that door and access the ramp. An employee from another airline saw him walk through with no badge and called the cops. We were now waiting on Charlie to get cleared by the TSA and NYPD. While we were waiting, our F.O. shows up.

Go figure, now we’re waiting on someone who was the first to arrive to begin with.

Finally, he shows up and we start boarding. The first passenger on the plane asks me how I’m doing, I said.. “ok” she said.. “Well, prepare yourself, we’re the nice ones.” This is when I met my second fan club member.

Ms. WhiteTShirt boards and asks me “What time are we due to land?” so, not lieing to her, I told her that we’d be landing exactly 5 hours after the wheels get in the air. Her response?

I know it doesn’t take much brain power to be a flight attendant, so I’ll try this again. I asked you what time we are landing, NOT how long the flight was.

So, I responded with

In an effort to not lie to you and tell you “we’ll be landing at 3″ I decided to give you the best information I could. The taxi time is plus or minus 1 hour and that plays a role in what time we land.

She then walked away screaming “F-You and You’re F-ing airline! Any other airline would just give me the time and not a math equation.” Apparently she was the one missing brain power.

About 10 minutes later I get a call from the back, Natasha was frustrated:

I have this woman standing here, breathing down my neck about the time we’re going to land. I told her that it’d be 5 hours from the time the wheels are off the ground but she wants a definite set time to order a car service. She’s already called me a “bitch,” a “wh–e” and a ________ (too bad of a word for me to mention!) because I won’t give her the time.

I told Natasha that if she curses at her again.. Ms. WhiteTShirt wasn’t coming to Los Angeles with us and to let me know if she calmed down. If she didn’t, she’d have a ton of time to add up what she’d done wrong.

Then on walks the president of my fan club, Mr. 2A, who, was the same man in the suit. He sits down and doesn’t say a word.

Another passenger complained to me about our customer service call center: he was annoyed that they are based on the West coast and was relaying information to him for flight 304 SATURDAY when he called at 12:45am Sunday morning. “It’s ABSURD that I’d have to clarify which day I was departing when CLEARLY I was calling on Sunday.” Because, you know, he’s the only man calling customer service and they use GPS to track which time zone you’re calling from to tailor flight stats for you. He refused to clarify “Flight 304 departing 3/14″ that takes too much work for him. Him and Ms. WhiteTShirt must have been related.

Finally, we’re boarded and ready to go but were waiting for the ramp to load the last of the bags. I was standing at the door waiting for the agents to close us up when 2A decided to leap out of his seat and exclaim

What the F–K are we waiting for! This is F—-G ridiculous that we’re all here and waiting! I can’t F—-G believe that this is F—-G happening right now!

It took everything in me not to rip his head off. I was picturing “The Exorcist” with the girls head spinning, I said:

First of all, don’t curse at me again. Second of all, calculating the weight and balance paperwork to ensure its right so we can take off safely in these 20-40MPH winds. And lastly, we’re loading the last of your checked bags. When all of that is complete the door will be shut and we’ll be on our way.

He wasn’t impressed. He then YELLED at ME telling me: “Don’t get angry with me.” Umm.. okay! Who cursed at WHO here for NO reason? So I grabbed the PA and made the following announcement:

Once again, you’re on board flight 304 with delayed service to Los Angeles. I understand you’re all frustrated with the weather delay this morning but please remember that this flight wouldn’t be operating if it weren’t for Natasha who arrived at 3am this morning, our captain who got here at 5am and our first officer who flew in on his day off to bring you to Los Angeles. We are people too, and we deserve the same respect we’ve been paying to you. Now, a few quick notes. We’re currently waiting on the last of your bags to be boarded.. after which we’ll calculate the weight and balance paperwork, which will then be given to the pilots to input into the computer. When that’s done, I’ll close the door. After that, we’ll be taxiing out for departure and that’ll take about 1 hour. Once the wheels leave the ground we have 5 hours of flying time. So, once the wheels leave the ground add 5 hours to the time on your watch, then subtract 3 hours for the time difference.. and thats our arrival time. We look forward to serving you once we get in the air and into the aisle, at which point we can answer any additional questions you may have. Thank you.

5 hours later, we landed in Los Angeles, 5 hours late. I think 5 is my new lucky.. or not-so-lucky number.