Holiday Travel Treats and Tips

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Wow. For the last few holiday seasons I didn’t fly much. Prior to my current airline, I worked in the office during the holidays, and prior to that, at my first airline; I was in training for Thanksgiving and somehow got Christmas off. But, wow. People who haven’t flown since Carter was President are now in the skies and it’s scary.

I recently worked a trip in the main cabin— I know, I know — what was I thinking? It’s really like a circus sometimes.. literally. From Los Angeles to New York, my specialty, Winnie the Pooh joined us, and in a middle seat. I’m not kidding! I was working the back galley and all of a sudden I heard the call button going off non-stop. The Flight Attendant in the aisle was trying desperatly to get my attention. I go out to row 15 and the FA points.. and says.. have you met Winnie? Well, there she was.. a woman, in a middle seat, dressed as Winne the Pooh. She was fully dressed, hat with ears, full costume. I tried to sneak a real picture for you, but, it would give away what airline I work for – and violate my airlines blogging regulations — but this was a sight to see. She didn’t take it off the whole flight long.

On the same flight seated in the last row of the plane was a mother and her daughter. We’re taking the daughter is about 23 years old. The other flight attendant in the back with me, a female, noticed the hairclip that the mother was wearing, it was a metal sprig of holly. The FA mistook it for a missletoe and in her southern (Charlotte, NC) accent politely said “is that a missletoe in your hair?” to which the woman replied: “I don’t know, is it?” and proceeded to look up as if she would be able to see her own hair to decide if it was, truly, missletoe.

The next day, thinking we were out of the crazy woods, we met the king. About 4 hours into a 7 hour flight from New York to San Francisco this man comes to back.. throws his hands up in the air, much like Evita and began to proclaim, loudly: “economic crisis..economic crisis..economic crisis..” over and over. I finally asked him what he was talking about, and he said “no food for 4 hours! NO FOOD for 4 HOURS.” I politely told him that we had food onboard but it was for purchase. He again goes into his “economic crisis” speech, this time I cut him off. I explained, again, that food is available but you have to pay for it. He then tells me that he hasn’t flown in 5 years, and he can’t believe he had to pay to check a bag, pay for headphones, pay for food and pay for everything. Then he said “and even customer service went downhill.” So, my response was “okay, I need to go back to work.. go back to your seat.”

So, I went back to work.. turned around to pour a drink for a passenger and I felt a hand on my back.. slide all the way down to my backside.. I quickly turned around and it was that man again! I was LIVID. I yelled “EXCUSE ME.. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” He said he was looking for food. The other FA said, “well you’re not going to find it there!” I again said, “go back to your seat.” This other passenger, at the same time he touched me, turned around to come to the back to use the restroom.. she comes up to me and says: “oh my god! I saw that! I saw him touch you! are you okay?” I laughed it off, said yes.. and said he was just a crazy old man. She turns around, goes back to her seat and pulls an apple out of her bag. She put it on the old man’s tray table and said “here. Now don’t get up again!” I LOVE her!

So, in true holiday spirit.. please keep the following tips in mind when traveling this holiday season:

1. Don’t touch the flight attendants.

2. Don’t caress the flight attendants.

3. Bring your own food, there might not be free food on board. In fact, other than snacks, no airline has “free food” other than Continental. Keep that in mind.

4. Remember that you are one of probably over 150 passengers and there is only 3 flight attendants. It’s going to take time for them to complete everyones requests.

5. Keeping the total amount of passengers in mind, don’t get upset if you ask the flight attendants for something and they forget, 6 more people asked us something after we talked to you.. we don’t usually walk around with note pads.

6. Again, don’t touch the flight attendants.

7. Saying “please” and “thank you” will get you everywhere. I reward good behavior.

8. Don’t dress like Winnie the Pooh

9. Remember: You cannot look up and see the back of your head.

10. Remember, we want to go home too. Delays aren’t the flight attendants fault.

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