Galley Medical Center

At my airline they make boarding seem like this really big deal. So big that we take *over* 30 minutes to board an A320..35 minutes to be exact. At my past airline we took 35 minutes to board a 757 with 50 more people than an A320 holds.

Anyway, a few trips ago I was working the dreaded New York – Los Angeles flight. This flight, notorious for something going wrong, was renumbered a while back. I thought the renumbering would break the curse. It didn’t. This time, it wasn’t so bad.. just…odd.

We’re about 3/4 through the boarding process and this guys comes to the front galley. He looked at me and screamed

I have to get off!

Uhh.. okay? So I asked him “why do you have to get off?” and his response was “the flight attendant in the back told me I can’t fly!”

Knowing one of the two FAs in the back really well, I started to laugh a little. I was kind of surprised someone would listen to a flight attendant at all when they make a statement like “you have to get off the airplane.”

Anyway, I asked him why the FA said that. Then, I heard a story.. I’ve never heard before.

Well.. I’m afraid of flying and more than that.. I’m petrified of turbulence. So.. I put ear plugs in my ears so I don’t have to hear the noises of the airplane.. and … well.. I lost one of them.

So I laughed a little — told him it was no big deal, I could get him ear plugs. He then quickly responded with

You don’t understand. I lost one of them IN my ear.

I’ve never heard of such a thing. Apparently, in his paranoia of flying this passenger went into one of the lavs in the rear and proceeded to place ear plugs in his ears so he didn’t have to ‘hear turbulence.’ He became so scared of the imposing 5 hour flight that he shoved a foam ear plug so far into his ear, it is not virtually unreachable.

Am I on candid camera?

Kind of confused on what to do, I called the back to track down which FA sent this passenger to me. It was the female, I knew it was her. She is also a purser but happened to be flying coach on this trip and said “I’m happy I’m not you.” She then made up this convoluted story (which has little truth to it) that if he didn’t deplane..when the aircraft pressurized the ear plug could expand/contract and/or become further lodged inside of his head. Now the man is freaking out. He doesn’t like to fly.. and we just told him it could cease his hearing.

Thanks honey!

So, as I try to tell him to take his things and there was another LA flight a few hours after us, a random passenger (who was waiting to board the airplane but was blocked by this gentleman with the soon-to-be hearing issue) says “let me take a look at it.” Without flinching the depth challenged man allowed a stranger to check out his ear. The guy then says “hold on.. I can get it!”

He goes into his bag pulls out a tweezer, and I kid you not.. chop sticks. In that moment my galley was transformed into a medical center. 2-5 minutes later, the ear plug was freed, the passenger saving the day was thanked by his fellow pax and us (with a free drink) and boarding continued.

10 minutes later I get a call from the back, all I can hear is laughter. The guy tried to go back into the lav to put the ear plug back into his ear prior to pushback. The FA had to physically pull the door away from him and tell him we recommended he doesn’t try to thwart his fear of turbulence with ear plugs again.