Up Up & A Gay – A Flight Attendant Blog

It never ceases to amaze me how people act once they get on an airplane. I’m starting to wonder if they also behave the way they do when they’re at home and if they do, how they get by in everyday life being so rude to everyone they encounter.

The cast of characters that I had on day 2  of my last 4 day trip was abundant. There was more people mad at NOTHING than I’ve ever experienced, it got me thinking about whether or not I was starring in a candid camera version of ‘Seinfeld.’

Please allow me to introduce the cast:

Mrs. Paranoia: She I met during boarding . As you all know by now, I work primarily work first class, therefore, always positioned at the boarding door. She walked on and asked if she could speak with me. I waved her into the galley and told her I was all ears. She then says:

I have a plastic bag full of surgical masks. If someone coughs or sneezes I’d like to you please remind then that we are in a time of critical awareness concerning the swine flu. Remind them to cough or sneeze into their elbows and hand them one of these.

I think my jaw hit the floor. I didn’t even know what to say! My first response was I understand you’re concerned, however, I cannot tell someone how to do something unless its safety or security related. Maybe you should wear your mask this way you can shield yourself from everyone’s germs. Well, you would have thought I asked her for her first born child. She was outraged that I would ever ask her to do that. What did she think she was asking ME to tell others?! The same thing. She then went to the main cabin and asked the FAs there to do the same thing, pass out the masks. Of course, I was able to warn them of what was coming before she got to them. They both denied her request as well.

Mr. Bad Boy: Mr. Boy arrived in his wheelchair during boarding with a grumpy face, a cane and a necklace with a battery powered medallion attached which flashed “BAD BOY.” So, jokingly, I said “so are you going to be giving us problems today?” and he said “you ain’t seen nothing yet.” Of course, I thought he was playing around with me, but, he wasn’t. During service one of the main cabin F/As accidentally bumped into him while in the aisle, and quickly apologized. He very rudely yelled “EXCUSE ME! Can you be more careful next time?!”

In a different occurrence a few minutes later, I was handing the gentleman in the window seat a sandwich and answering a question he had. Mr. Boy then chimed in, again, loudly, and proclaimed “uhh excuse me I’m trying to have a conversation here!” and I said.. “Yes, I know..I am too.. and you just rudely interrupted!” Two can play this game.

Ms. Jet-Blue: Once in-flight we met Ms. JetBlue. She rang her call button while I was on my back to the first class galley.. so I attended to it. She’s seated at the window and proceeded to tell me that her seat didn’t recline. I told her it should, nothing was damaged in the cabin. She then demonstrated the fact that her seat didn’t recline by pushing in the button and rocking back and forth very forcefully trying to push the seat back. When her tantrum stopped, I asked the lady seated on the aisle if her seat reclined. She then pressed her button, and reclined. Well, the seat reclined to the same level that Ms. JetBlue’s seat was already at! A ha! Ms. JetBlue’s seat is already reclined! So I told her if you notice, you’re seat is already reclined as it’s at the same level as this seat is. Her brain couldn’t comprehend this information and was still confused. One of the FAs from the back was walking forward and as the purser, I officially juniored down the situation. ha!

Now, you’re wondering why her name is Ms. JetBlue. We’ll, when she realized her seat was reclined, she had nothing else to complain about so she had to find something. About an hour and a half later she came to the back and was holding her neck. The 3 of us looked at each other, started to crack a smile, just wondering WHAT this was going to be about. She then told me

Your headrests on your seat are so fluffy that its pushing my head forward making me point my head down which is causing my neck and back to hurt.

So I asked her if she tried to adjust it, as they are FULLY 100% adjustable. She said yes. Then she asked if all of our seats were made this way. It took everything in me to say.. Did you not notice every seat looks like yours on your way back here?!

I didn’t.. but then she said

JetBlue’s seats are so much more comfortable than yours are. This is just riciulous. My seat doesn’t recline and now its hurting my neck and back. Can you change my ticket so I can fly home on jetBlue?

Yes, ma’am, since all of the airlines in America code-share, let me just change your ticket over to one of our biggest competitors. I told her I couldn’t do that. Obviously! She was so upset that I couldn’t just move her ticket to a jetBlue flight. She tried to complain more, as if I was just holding out. Then, one of my FAs said “actually, someone just came back here and told me we have one of the most comfortable seats they’ve ever sat in!” Ms. JetBlue then returned to her seat.. that reclined and had to fluffy of a headrest.

Ms. Menu: Last, but ohhhhh so not least was Ms. Menu. We had a menu substitution on board this particular flight. The galley FA made the announcement about the menu items, and said “I’m sorry, though the menu says we have the steak sandwich on board we don’t instead we have an Italian sandwich.” Then, I re-said the announcement prior to the FAs went into the aisle for service in the main cabin, and then we made it one more time before we heard the dreaded call button. I went over to find its the woman RIGHT behind Ms. JetBlue. . . she is holding our menu in hand and told me that she wanted to order the steak sandwich. I said I’m sorry, we don’t have the steak sandwich today, instead we have an Italian sandwich. She then said “but the Italian sandwich isn’t on the menu!” I took a deep breath and said

Like we have said 4 times now, we have a menu substitution on board today, we received the sandwiches we usually receive for a Eastbound flight. Therefore, the Italian sandwich is all we have.

Finally it sunk it and I left. She ordered the sandwich and it was delivered by a FA in the back. Five minutes after that, the call button again. The same FA that delivered the sandwich returned to find the passenger complaining that the sandwich didn’t have enough italian dressing on it, and she wanted more. So, the FA explained that the sandwiches are all prepackaged with the dressings etc, we don’t get extras on board. Well, Ms. Menu packed up the sandwich and handed it over and asked for a refund because there wasn’t enough dressing and then proclaimed “and wheres my fruit and cheese box!” (which she didn’t order!) The FA said “okay, I’ll go double check and I’ll be back”

She gets to the back and tells me whats going on. I said Oh please let me go talk to her.. she’s already on my shitlist and I would love to tell her she still owes us money.

Well, the passenger leaving the bathroom overheard me say that and pointed right at me. My heart stopped because I thought she was going to get pissed that she heard me talk about a fellow passenger. Instead she said

thats awesome! you guys are awesome! I’ve been watching and listening to you deal with all these weird and crazy people and I’m going to write a letter about you guys and the great job you are doing!

She did, too. We got it already. Of course for those comments we ensured she was taken care of the remainder of the flight as well.

I don’t think I’ve ever experienced such a group of people on a single airplane before. Lucky I was with 2 FAs whom are my friends and we were able to tag team the situations and laugh about them in the end. It should go without saying, and I’m sure you guessed it. This flight was JFK-LAX.